Scrapping Therapy!

Good morning everyone!

It's pretty darn early! 6:19am as I write this. Considering I have no place I have to be today, my husband isn't working today, and I have no place to be... it's early. I've been up a good hour already. But the house is peaceful and so I had time to be alone with my Bible and my prayers. Now I have time to reflect on lot's of things. Tomorrow being my birthday, 29th, I guess I'm sort of in a relfective mood!

My sweet sweet husband insisted I spend some time scrapping and crafting yesterday. You see, I suffer from that guilt complex so many mom's, wives, and women in general suffer from. If the house isn't clean, or if I think I should be spending time with my son or husband, then I feel too guilty to lock myself away with my paper, punches, taper runners, and pictures. Or perhaps I fear I'll miss out on something cool. Either way, I always put myself on the bottom of the list and that often means scrapping.

Yesterday I took advantage of my husband's push and sat down and completed what to me is a very special layout. My son's first Christmas. I played with my new wishblade and cut out some wonderful shapes and lettering. I am very proud of those pages. I know others here would have done something different. But I scrap what I like and I am very very pleased.

By the time I stopped to take a break I noticed a HUGE change in myself. Lately I've been feeling pretty crummy for absolutely NO real reason. I've been feeling unlovable and unworthy. I've been feeling lost. I've been feeling pain. I've not believed my husband when he's told me he loves me, that I'm beautiful, sexy, the most wonderful wife in the entire world. I've had stupid fears about him leaving me. I've been beating myself up for not being really the perfect wife or mother, despite my husband insisting that in his eyes I am. Now, I've kept most of this inside. I haven't expressed it really. Though I'm sure it showed. My usual happy, self confident self was just being stamped out by what I KNOW are irrational and false thoughts..

For some reason, when I took a break from scrapping yesterday I felt INSANELY different! Like my old self again. I felt like I deserved the time I took. I felt like I really am something resembling what my husband describes. I felt ready to be a part of my absolutely wonderful life and family again. I felt.... ALIVE again! My patience for my son and his typical toddler ways just went through the roof! My wanting to love my husband just exploded. I just wanted to cry because all of a sudden all those yucky feelings were just GONE! Replaced by everything opposite.

All because I scrapped for a few hours.

After Noah was to bed I talked to my husband and explained to him what I was feeling. My own self negatvity is so oppressing. Sometimes I fear that if I can't pull myself out of it I could ruin my family, myself, and my relationship with God. Of course my husband told me "I tell you all the time to go relax and scrap. You don't listen to me. Now I'm going to MAKE you." Then he hugged me and kissed me!

I prayed in church yesterday that God help me with those feelings. I asked him to lift them. To help me feel whole again. My prayers were answered.

Thank you God!